In our hustle culture we are rarely where we are, we are almost always where we are supposed to be next.
We are having lunch with a colleague but we are thinking about our next meeting.
We are talking with our spouse but we are thinking about the project we need to finish.
Our kids are telling us about their day but we are thinking about the game we are missing on TV.
In her book, IF YOU WANT TO WRITE, author Brenda Ueland calls this living in our destination.
We are not present where we are, we are living where we are supposed to be next. And in doing that, we never experience anything. We never arrive anywhere.
What are we missing? More importantly, WHO are we missing?
A concept I have been thinking a lot about as I write my next book is that love lingers. When we truly love someone, they have our full attention in the time we are with them. We are not in a rush to get to the next thing, we are there, in that time with that person.
I have a friend who is dear to me and we’ve had trouble recently coordinating our schedules to get some time together. One afternoon he had window of time between meetings.
I said no. Not because I didn’t want time with my friend, but because I didn’t want to be rushed. And I told him that. He agreed with me.
If we had met, he would be living in his destination, and I would have been living in his destination too because I would be thinking about how he had to leave soon to get to his next appointment.
It takes discipline to be in the present moment with others, but it’s worth it. If you want to build real fellowship and community. You must linger.
The Institute on Aging conducted a study on the Top 5 Regrets of the Dying and here is how the doctor who conducted the study summarized their findings:
It all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks — love and relationships.
The next time you are with someone, anyone, try to be in that moment with them. THAT is your destination, not what’s next, but right there, with them. It will be uncomfortable, and it will take practice, but it will also be worth it.
Joseph McBee 