It’s graduation time and we are in full swing with our daughter, nieces, and nephews graduating from high school. It’s an emotional time.
There is a sense of excitement and a sense of “can we just get this over with” for all parties involved. The seniors feel ready to get out and get going with “real life” and the parents are relieved in one way and maybe a little anxious in another.
Are they ready?
Did we do a good job preparing them?
How can we help without meddling?
What will they face “out there”?
I would like to offer a little advice for all the newly minted graduates, specifically those headed off to college. I don’t expect you to really listen. I probably wouldn’t have at your age, but I’ll feel better offering it all the same.
First, you don’t know as much as you think you do.
I am not trying to insult you. It’s just a fact and one that will become apparent to you FAST. There is no way you can be prepared for everything you are about to face so please be humble enough to ask for some advice now and again. That’s what grown ups do when they face something they don’t know enough about to navigate on their own.
Second, college is NOT the “real world.”
If you are going off to college after graduation don’t think you are entering the real world. You’re not. Not by a long shot. It’s different than high school, that’s true, but you’re still operating with a safety net. In the real world, there isn’t one. Enjoy your expanded freedom, but don’t mistake it for what you will face after you leave.
Next, the freedom you are about to get is going to overwhelm you.
I realize you can’t wait to get away from your parents and siblings and all the structures that have nurtured you for your entire life. They feel stifling and suffocating right now and you want the fresh air of freedom to do your own thing and make all your own choices.
I get that, but trust me when I say, it’s going to feel overwhelming.
That’s not a bad thing. And it doesn’t mean you’re weak or that you won’t make it. Take a deep breath, remember my first piece of advice, and do the best you can. You’ll get used to it.
Fourth, it’s okay if you miss your family.
You are probably convinced that once you move out, you’ll never come back and you won’t miss your family at all. If you are leaving an abusive home life, that may be true, but for most of you, it’s not.
You’re going to miss your family and that’s okay. It’s normal and good to miss being with the people who know you and love you no matter what. That will fade over time as you build a new support network, but until then, don’t be ashamed to call your folks or to come home once in a while. We are going to miss you too.
Fifth, you’re going to lose touch with your high school friends.
All those folks you grew up with, your ride or dies, your besties for the resties, you are going to lose touch with almost all of them more and more until they are just a nice memory. That’s normal. And you’ll make new friends.
There is nothing to feel guilt or shame about there. When you are young, friendship is a group sport. As you age, it’s far more of an individual activity. You’ll have fewer friendships as you get older, but they will also be deeper and richer friendships.
Finally, enjoy yourself but don’t be stupid.
College can be fun. Don’t take it too seriously. Learn and grow and explore what you’re interested in. Get involved in stuff on campus. Make some new friends. Do something to serve others. But don’t be stupid.
Making friends with stupid people doing stupid things will just drag you down with them. There are no parents watching your every move now so it’ll be much easier to do something you know you shouldn’t be doing. You’ll need to make wise choices on your own about who you spend time with and what you do.
Another part of that wisdom is doing things like eating right, avoiding alcohol (I promise it does NOTHING good for you), getting some exercise, making sure you’re getting plenty of sleep, and going to church.
You probably won’t do much of that stuff, and you’ll pay the price for it. Some things can only be learned from pain. Just try to remember, you are free to make choices but you are not free to choose the consequences that come with them.
I wish you well in this next phase of your life. Be patient with yourself and with your parents. We love you and we did the best we could. I know we weren’t always easy to live with, but neither were you.
Joseph McBee 